Monday, June 7, 2010

Welcome to The Corner.

Fact No. 1: I recently read that there are approximately 200 million blogs. That's like one for every 30 people on the planet.

Fact No. 2: I just got back from my 15-year college reunion, which included a bunch of Bud Lights and a 10:00 p.m. Gusburger -- a greasy hamburger topped with a fried egg.

Safe to say that Bud Light hadn't tasted that delicious since 1994.

How are these two seemingly disparate facts related? See, it's like this. Reunions, especially my college's, which goes nutso for reunions, even capitalizing the "r" so it's Reunions, have a way of making you take stock of how things have gone since you've left the warm coziness of college. So let's take a quick pulse.

I have a great family, I have a law degree, I have a job I like, and I have an iPhone. Seriously, how much more complete could my life be? (Although with word of a new iPhone coming out soon, maybe not as complete as it could be).

But here's the thing. I like writing and telling people what I think, hopefully in a way that lets me reference a movie or TV show. In college, I wrote for our newspaper, mostly as a sportswriter. In law school, I had a monthly column, which people seemed to like (or pretended to like all the while giggling behind my back about my narrative incompetence).

In addition to this, I carry a pipe dream of becoming a published novelist. Tangible proof of this dream exists in the form of three unpublished manuscripts, but I like to think I'm getting better with each one. The first novel was ... well, let's just say that if your villain is a corrupt U.S. Senator, you probably haven't written a very good book. I love my most recent manuscript, and it got a fair amount of interest from agents, enough to get my hopes up (and maybe even break my heart a little when nothing happened), but not enough interest to get me, say, John Grisham's cell phone number. I’m currently working on my fourth manuscript, which I'm sure will also cause me to get unduly excited about a future in print.

So, my goal for this, the 200,000,001st blog in the world, is to post once a week and write about whatever comes to mind in a way that makes you, Awesome Reader, want to come back and see what I have to say next week -- and perhaps entertain you. It will be long enough to hopefully be worth your time, but not so long that I'm wasting your time. I hope you enjoy reading it. Scratch that. I just hope you read it.

Some rules for myself:

1. I won't talk badly about anyone. Unless her name is Sarah Palin. God, I love her.
2. I won't talk badly about work. Except for that yahoo in Accounting. I'm joking. I don't know anyone in Accounting. It just seemed like a good workplace-related joke to make.
3. Other than that, I'll just try to be as entertaining as I can.

Mostly, I'll make fun of things, including myself, because, as those of you who know me are aware, I've got issues. These issues stem largely from my failing to fulfill my parents' dream for me to become a doctor. This is complicated by the fact that my parents think I really am a doctor (since my law school diploma says 'Juris Doctor'), and so when I go visit them, I say things like "intubated", and I carry a pager.

Standout memory from Reunions -- at the class dinner Saturday night, debating faith vs. science with a good friend of mine, the two of us seated alone around an eight-person table in the middle of the Lawn during a driving rainstorm. It was like Shepherd vs. Locke on Lost if they had been drinking Bud Light all day. I loved that show from start to finish, but I'm sort of glad it's over. It made my head hurt. (See how I snuck in the TV reference there?)

Last but not least, if you think I'm doing this in the hope of building an audience, and then having some publishing company swoop in and offer me a ton of money to write for them, well, you would be totally right. To quote Jay Mohr's character from Jerry Maguire -- it's not Show Friends, it's Show Business.

Next Week's Column: Mommy and Daddy Don't Negotiate with Terrorists


  1. And a tremor quakes throughout the blogosphere.

  2. so happy you are back at it! look forward to reading this next week. and PS: Lost made me think for the first time ever that I need to just stick to my intellectual level and watch 90210...

  3. Have you ever thought of being a comedian or writing for SNL?

    How did that conversation go? Which were you: Shepard or Locke?