NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY
LISTENING POST 072-4815162342
RAW FEED TRANSCRIPT
LOCATION: Facebook Headquarters
DATE: 12 January 2011
TIME: 2015 Zulu
ABOVE TOP SECRET
Mark Zuckerberg: Who the f--- is David Kazzie?
Unknown Subject (UnSub): We're working on that, sir. He runs a little humor blog called the Corner. I use the word humor loosely.
Zuckerberg: And he has the gall to resist the profile upgrade?
UnSub: Apparently, he fancies himself some sort of revolutionary. He keeps blathering about it on his Facebook page.
Zuckerberg: If he's so unhappy, he can just delete his account.
UnSub: Uh, no, actually, he can't. Remember, we removed that feature over the summer? You were planning to do a press release entitled "Facebook is Forever"?
Zuckerberg: Right. It's on my to-do list. So he's a blogger? Oh, that is so delicious. He thinks he's got an online presence. What does he have, 98 followers?
UnSub: Uh, 77.
Zuckerberg: 77? Facebook added 77 new users in the time it took me to say this sentence.
UnSub: He's been on our radar since October sir. He wrote a YouTube video-
Zuckerberg: YouTube. Please. More like PooTube.
UnSub: Yes, sir. Anyway, he wrote a video and posted it on YouTube.
Zuckerberg: Are you deaf? I want it called PooTube.
UnSub: Right. So anyway, his video about Law School was shared on Facebook more than 80,000 times. It's gotten more than a million hits on You... I mean... PooTube.
Zuckerberg: He should be kissing my ass. He should've been first in line to upgrade. He should've been-
UnSub: He wrote another video you should see.
UnSub: It's called So You Want to Close Your Facebook Account. It's been around for a couple months. About 60,000 hits.
[Sounds of loud banging, glass breaking]
Zuckererg: Give me your iPhone. I want to see it now.
UnSub: Yes sir.
[Five minutes and sixteen seconds of silence]
Zuckerberg: Interesting. Do you think he knows about Phase Two?
UnSub: Anything is possible, sir.
Zuckerberg: If this gets out...
UnSub: I know, sir.
Zuckerberg: We have no choice. Implement the Farmville protocol.
Zuckerberg: Just do it!