Sunday, February 6, 2011

Today's Blog Post Has Been Brought to You by the Letters G and B. And The Number 31.

One of my most popular written columns was And Now... A Word from Our Sponsors, in which I reviewed a bunch of commercials that aired in primetime on NBC one night last summer. So I thought it would be fun to do another one about a sample of the Super Bowl commercials, the supposed best of the best.

Off we go, this time with a quick hit on each commercial. I stuck to the ones from the first half, where the big money is.

1. Bud Light (Hack Job)
I find it funny that Bud Light used the phrase "Hack Job" in a commercial about its own beer.

2. Doritos (Pug)
Celebrating dog abuse. Who's the target audience for this commercial? Michael Vick?

3. Doritos (Finger Licking Good)
Nice work, guys. Now I'll have that repulsive image in my head every time I think about buying your chips. Might as well have shown me the dude puking up a bag.

4. Pepsi (Can Thrower)
Hilarious. Girl-on-guy domestic abuse is so funny. Imagine one where the guy throws the can at the girlfriend. 

5. Bud Light (Product Placement)
We can't sell it on quality. Maybe we can sell it on quantity.

6. Universal: Fast Five movie trailer
Explosions. Girls in skimpy clothing. Cars going fast. Yeah, Hollywood sounds hard.

7. Pepsi (Shooting Cooler)
More violence from Pepsi. Can we get some social workers down there?

8. Doritos (House Sitting)
Raising the dead. Raising the dead. Worshipping false idols. Scary.

9. Hyundai Elantra
I watched this commercial twice and immediately forgot what it was about. There's $2 million they're never going to see again.

10. Bridgestone (Reply All)
As someone who always thinks he's hit Reply All for every e-mail he's ever written, I'm a big fan of this one.

11. Chevy Volt
Good Lord. It's a car that DOESN'T USE GAS. If Chevy really needs an ad to sell it, then we have bigger problems than we realize.

I love their warning that the web content is unrated. Really? Do you need to warn anyone about web content anymore? And thanks for saving me the exertion of typing the letter "m."

13. Budweiser (Tiny Dancer)
Total rip off of the Coke - Grand Theft Auto spot from a couple years ago.

14. Teleflora (Faith Hill)
Jokes about girls' racks still have to be funny. Oops.

15. Paramount (Transformers 3)
Well, my son was a fan. He's five.

16. BMW (X3)
No, no. We're not stealing your jobs. Just your market share.

17. Motorola (Xoom)
Look how cool we are with the crazy spelling of our phone that was obsolete in 2009.

18. BMW (Changes)
A David Bowie song. Original.

19. Coca Cola (Dragon)
Seriously. Is there no dispute that Coke cannot resolve?

20. Paramount (Thor movie trailer) Another big hit with the "Unable to Read" demographic in my house.

21. Volkswagen (Darth Vader)
Volkswagen to all other advertisers: Suck it.

22. Snickers: Roseanne Barr
On behalf of a grateful nation, we thank you.

23. CareerBuilders: Monkeys
Funny in 2000. Not so funny now.

24. Paramount: Super 8
A movie from the guys who made Lost and Cloverfield? Yeah, here's my $10.50.

25. Chevy (Cruze with talking Facebook status updates)
I warned you. Facebook is forever.

26. Paramount (Captain America) 
I'm sensing a theme here. There are no original ideas left.

27. (Will I Am, Black Eyed Peas)
Something strangely familiar about all these big-headed animated characters.

28. The Daily (iPad App)
Jesus. Is it halftime yet?

29. Volkwagen (Racing Beetle) 
This is where Volkswagen stands at home plate, watching its majestic homerun sail over the left-field wall, all but ensuring that the Chevy pitcher is going to throw at the next batter's head.

*Chevy impatiently tapping its fingers on a smoked glass tabletop*

Oh, and congrats to the Green Bay Packers and particularly to Aaron Rodgers, who pulled off the impressive double, taking out two douchebag quarterbacks (Favre and Roethlisberger) with one victory.


  1. Nice recap of the commercials. Overall I thought they were pretty terrible.

  2. Cowboys and Aliens: Really, Harrison Ford?

  3. @Liz -- thanks. I agree, they were not very good

    @Matthew -- perhaps you didn't hear them -- it's cowboys AND aliens. BOTH. TOGETHER. IN THE SAME MOVIE.

  4. totally agreed on darth vader vw ad - great one

    overall pretty lackluster though

    Great work on the publishing deal by the way

  5. Re: The Packers Congrats - I was rooting for BJ Raji the entire time. :)